julienne
Sunday, December 30, 2007
i have always helped people, i have always been there for them.
but now, i really don't want to be there for him anymore. i feel used, cheated and hurt. i feel like i was taken for granted.
i was there when you needed someone the most. i was there when you had no one to keep you company. i was there when you feel sad. i was there when you had something to share. i was there when you had problems. i was there when you were scared.
and now who's there to be your joy? it isn't me. not even as a friend.
because you don't need me anymore. all you need is her. all you ever want will be her. i have become a thing of the past, just someone there for you to go to when you have trouble.
everything's easier said than done. i have lways told people to forget about those other people when they go through what i'm going through, but when it comes to me, the pain is multiplied 500 times and all that i have told others become just words with no meaning.
I'm searching for love, love from friends and love from God. as i sat down crying yesterday, i felt a great feeling of arms wrapped around me. my heart ached and i cried even more. i knew it was the Lord Jesus. it was He who felt my heartbreak, He who came to me in my darkest and saddest moment, He who came to be my support, and even brought all of my friends along with him. the Lord Jesus came to be with me as i cried my heart out, He held my hand and cried along with me, and He shouldered more pain than i did.
i feel so small to what the Lord has done for me and given me: my precious friends.
and now i'm thinking of the story of the footprints... because it was exactly what the Lord did for me. and as i searched for a song to listen to, and know that God is near, the song was "You Are Mine".
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the story...
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking
Along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene,
He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
He looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
There was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened
At the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him
And he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, You said that once I decided to follow You,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that
During the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed
You most you would leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
When you see only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
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and the song....
I will come to you in the silence
I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear My voice
I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am near
I am hope for all who are hopeless
I am eyes for all who long to see
In the shadows of the night,
I will be your light
Come and rest in Me
Chorus:
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
I am strength for all the despairing
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame
All the blind will see, the lame will all run free
And all will know My name
Chorus:
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
I am the Word that leads all to freedom
I am the peace the world cannot give
I will call your name, embracing all your pain
Stand up, now, walk, and live
Chorus:
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
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i cried more than ever... and now, i just offer it all up to God... and here's the song I'd sing if i were strong enough and not cry:
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours
Lord, I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for your Glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to you
What can we give that You have not given
What do we have that is not already yours
All we possess are these lives we're living
And that's what we give to you Lord
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thank you everyone who were there beside me every step of the way, especially victoria. thank you for everything, and thank you for the blog post. it was very sweet but it didn't really make me feel better.....
I really love all of you. thank you for all your hugs and kisses, smses and phonecalls, notes and cards, tags and emails/msn conversations.
