tired
Sunday, September 7, 2008
it has been 2 months since i last posted, so it's as good as not having a blog. anyway, many things have hit me recently.
i seem to have come face to face with death once again. if not face to face, then almost near.
2 of my friend's parents are ill. one of which is in a coma, the other has cancer. my tuition teacher's dad also has cancer. my other tuition teacher's friend died of pneumonia.
you see the fragility of life? i'm just shocked at how fast things changed. it wasn't too long ago when i left, but many things have started to come back.
my meetings with the psychologist has helped me a little, but there are time when i just need a break, to get away from many things. i just need to know what has happened to me. why have i become like this. all i do is make people worry. i'd rather they just give up on me, because i've almost given up on myself.
i'm really prepared to say goodbye.
i haven't spoken to steph for more than 10 weeks now, and i'm surprised about how unaffected i am. in fact, i'm glad at the numbness that i feel. everything is just happening. now, i don't feel the extremes. my mood just twitches around without feeling extremely happy. but feeling extremely sad is another story altogether.
i'm sick and tired of myself crying every other day.
and as much as i want to say that val will always be my bestfriend, i just have to admit that someday i'll have to let her go. she's really changed and i don't feel as much as i used to. i may be imortant, but no longer as important. it is time to let her go and have her freedom, and it'll be today. i've had her for 4 years, and i think its enough.
i've made a decision, and i don't want to cry or regret it.
i'm just sorry that i couldn't have you.
happy birthday. i loved you.
