finally
Thursday, December 27, 2007
i guess it just wasn't enough.
but i'm glad that i wasn't the rebound/substitute, or it'd have broken my heart more.
not enough to make it, not enough to even start.
but i really appreciate the honesty. i guess i was half right all along, and so were the others. he does (did) like me, but he knew it wouldn't work.
i just hope that everything will be fine today.
Thank you Lord, for giving me an answer. though I've waited a long time for this, I'm glad to have gotten my long-awaited answer.
my current mood: i'm feeling happy though my heart has been broken and ripped out time and time again. however, i'm very happy to have found the best kinds of friends you'd ever want. the kinds that I'd thank God for over and over again.
to victoria: thank you so much for having done so much for me. i'm really very very grateful that you sacrificed your sleep to play mediator. thank you so so much for everything and helping me to find my answers. i can never thank you enough, really. and i had a good sleep yesterday. no dreams at all, which means my brain has finally relaxed and let go of everything.
to gareth (if you'll ever see this): thank you for everything. last night didn't go very smoothly and i'm glad that you really came honest with me. thank you for reassuring me, thank you for telling me the truths, and thank you for finally giving me an answer. and to be honest, though my heart was breaking, i expected your answer and it wasn't as painful as i had expected it to be. maybe it was because i've given up on you already and i know that you're a friend that i can count on. thanks alot, and i'm sorry if this whole episode has made it awkward, but i have forgotten everything already so there's no need to be awkward or weird with me.
i feel so much better now.
over the last few days, if i wasn't sleeping, i was crying my eyes out. if i wasn't drinking, i was crying. if i wasn't wrapping presents, i was crying. if i wasn't out shopping, i was crying.
stupid isn't it? christmas this year was filled with tears, but i guess it was just me.
and one more thing, i'm fine the way i am. it's me if i whine and make a big fuss out of every, over-reacting and all, so i'm happy the way i am. if i don't do any of the above, everyone will know that something's wrong with me, right victoria? i'm glad i never changed just to fit you, because i'll never receive the same from you as i have given. so...
I'M HAPPY BEING SINGLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
and right now, i'm not ready for any sort of romantic relationships. i might ignore you if you advance too fast. but if you're a friend, i love you all the same, or maybe even more, because my heart isn't 99% filled already, and my friends have my whole heart. thank you very very much :D
and to jianeng: i've just recieved your card today! thank you so much! however, gareth and I are over, so you don't have to worry about me anymore. thank you so so much and you're the bestest! I LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS!!!!!!!!!!!
