check up
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
many things happened today. i wouldn't say it went well, but i wouldn't say it was all that bad either.
i cried, mum cried. i ate and now i regret it. but i did a teeny bit of shopping to make myself feel slightly better and happier (though it didn't help much. i was on the verge of screaming and crying along orchard road).
i received the diagnosis today. i guess my worst fears came true, and my mom didn't see it coming. well, she just broke down. i mean, alot of things have been happening, but i just didn't really expect it to happen to me.
as much as i would love to be optimistic about my diagnosis and say that it's "temporary"and "i'll get out of it", i'm finding it difficult to come to terms with it. as strong as i might sound sometimes, i guess i'm just weaker than everyone else.
it was as though my world just came crashing down in a split second. i was hoping that the doctor wouldn't say it, but she did. her words are still ringing right through my head. i could see the fear in my mother's eyes, and it scared me.
i want to say i'm okay (because by putting this down, i think i'll be fine) but i know i'm not. i guess nobody has seen my worst yet. i've never cried so badly in public and i didn't bother about whether it was embarassing or not. i couldn't control every tear that found their way out of my eyes.
i won't know when i'll be ready, but i really do hope that i can be given some breathing space. i'm still coming to terms with the diagnosis. there's no telling when will it get better or worse, but thank you everyone for your support. i must say this before its too late and i can no longer remember what everyone has given or done for me.
i can't deal with the pressure. i just need help. & i still want to be thin.
